I see them in a flock. They are racing towards me. Angry, cackling noises echo in my ears. I run as fast as I can, but they catch up anyway. Now the squawking is interrupted by the loud flapping of wings. I cry for help as they surround me, and they start pecking their huge, sharp beaks at me, and.....
... and I wake up. Cold sweat drenched the neck of my t-shirt. I sit up, breathing heavily. I wait for it to become even, and I get up and get myself a glass of cold water. It manages to calm me down more than the voice in my head that keeps saying "It's not your fault." I walk back to my bed and cradle into the blissful arms of sleep.
I woke up to the ringing of my alarm clock. Still sleepy, I brushed my teeth and took a bath before I walked down to the kitchen for breakfast. Somewhere around my sixth spoon of cereal, I remembered my dream. It had been a while since the last time, but last night, it was slightly different. It felt more...real.
I shrugged it off, concluding that recurring dreams are bound to be a little different once in a while. Besides, today was a new beginning!!
One of the eleven 'new beginnings' I've had all my life.
That's what my dad calls them. His transfers. To ease the pain of separation from friends and things I'm attached to. Personally, I think he's just trying to confuse himself. It never made too much of a difference to me. I never really had any friends. A new school with new people didn't hold too much meaning for me.
I finished my breakfast, grabbed my bag, and left my house.
It seemed like a pleasant day, until the birds started chirping. I hate that sound. I know that people find it beautiful and soothing, but I can't stand it. It brings back too many memories. Ones I don't want to recall.
It was a beautiful summer day. The kind that makes you want to blow bubbles and drink lemonade. I remember being cheerful and bubbly back then, but that part of me was killed that day. My sixth birthday.
My parents had taken me out to a fun-fair. I remember being enchanted by the colours and energy of that place. I ran to every stall, played every game, sat on every ride. And the ice cream was the best I'd ever tasted.
I was busy absorbing the brilliance around me when i noticed a cage of around a dozen birds. I'd always hated cages. I felt a cold tingle in my back when i saw a bird trapped in any of them.
I looked at my mother, who was busy paying the guy at the cotton candy stall. I seized the opportunity and walked to the cage, wondering how i could help them. As fate would have it, the person who should have locked the cage had forgotten to do so, leaving only a bolt to secure the door. I looked around to see if anyone was looking, and slowly opened the door of the cage.
That was when it began.
The pretty, graceful birds I'd seen turned into ghastly, horrendous birds of prey. They fought to leave the cage, and flew around the entire are, filling the air with their triumphant, haunting screams, attacking everyone they saw. The commotion they caused was unbearable. I don't know how I got lucky, if you can call it that, but I wasn't hurt the least bit. Physically. A lot of other people were. I front of my eyes.
My parents found me sitting and sobbing on the same spot where I stood to open the cage. They carried me to the car, and on the way all I could see was blood. I wasn't blamed. But the guy who forgot to lock the cage was.
After that day, I never made a fuss of my birthday. I also stopped talking to a point that scared my parents. Therapy and counseling made me talk, but only to a bare minimum.
It was also when those dreams started.
I never forgave myself.
The new school was the same as all of my old ones. A group of socially awkward people putting up masks of perfection, trying to find a place in this cruel world.
My fourth week into the new cultural jungle, I had managed to go relatively unnoticed. I bought my lunch and sat down at an unoccupied table. I opened my novel where I'd left it last night.
"Is this seat taken?", said a soft, low voice. I looked up to see a girl who would have been really pretty, except for those huge, long scratches across her face.
In four weeks, I'm sure I'd never noticed her, for a face so scarred is not easy to forget.
I didn't realize I'd been staring at her till her sincere gaze softened into a hurt, insulted one. "Never mind" she said and walked away before I could stop her.
I had't really spoken to anyone here and I didn't want to either, but I definitely didn't want to hurt someone I'd never met before.
So the next day, I tried looking for her. I did this for two days, but she didn't show up. I guessed I might have been dreaming or something, because she seemed to have never existed.
But on the third day, as I scanned the cafeteria for a seat, I saw her, sitting alone, gaze down on her plate. I walked up to her. She didn't look up. I kept my plate on the table and sat down. She looked up. I smiled. She gave a weary, tired, one sided smile. I decided it was time to apologize. "Hey, listen, I'm really sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to offend you."
She seemed to lighten up, or maybe I imagined that. But she said, "Its okay, I guess. I should be used to it by now."
Then there was an awkward silence. We both waited for the other to start talking.
I finally decided to make an exception. "I'm Mae."
"Anna", she said, and smiled. "Are you new here?"
"Yeah, I just moved here last month. You're new too, right?"
Just then I saw this look in her eyes. It was that of being completely alone even in the midst of a crowd. I knew that look well. Too well.
But she laughed. "This is my third year here. I just try to stay out of the spotlight."
Silence again.
And then, out of nowhere, it started again. It probably sounded like the playful chirping of two birds to anyone else, but to me it was like a blood curdling scream of someone falling off a cliff.
I closed my eyes, praying it would go away, not wanting to scare off yet another person.
When I opened them, she was simply looking at me. I decided to come clean. "I'm sorry, i know it's weird, but I hate the sound of birds."
She looked at me for around ten seconds, and started laughing. I looked at her, nonplussed. "Wow, finally, someone else!" She said. And the both of us laughed for a long time.
That one incident was the foundation of our friendship. We spoke about it a lot, and both of us admitted that we wouldn't have said another word if those otherwise formidable birds hadn't intervened.
In the following years, Anna and me became the best of friends. She helped me through times I couldn't have stood through without her. And in return, I was there for her.
One day, it all came pouring out. My sixth birthday, the fun fair mishap.
When I finished talking, she was looking at me with so much shock that I though she would never speak to me again.
But Anna smiled.
She smiled and said, "It's not your fault." And she hugged me.
The only thing that had remained unsaid so far was the story of Anna's scars. I'd asked her about it a few times, but she always responded with a shrug and "Oh, nothing, It was an accident."
After a few times, I decided not to push her. She probably needed time. But the question never left my mind.
School ended, so did college, but Anna never failed to make my smile.
When we were twenty-seven, Anna was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Over the next year, she grew weaker, and her scars, more prominent. Seeing my best friend like this was tougher than I'd imagined.
Last week, the doctor told me that she had a kidney failure and that her heart was far too weak. She could die any moment. Everyday started with the question, "Is this the last one?"
I open my eyes. I see the drab blue of the hospital wing. I go get myself some coffee, and when I return, Anna is up. She cracks a few lame jokes to cheer me up, but fails.
I don't know what else to do. We both know that it's close to being over.
So I gather up the courage to ask her the only secret that was untold in our years together.
"Anna, how DID you get those scars?"
She stops mid-sentence and looks at me. She knows from the look on my face that I wanted the truth.
She sighs and closes her eyes.
"I was at a fun fair, when a flock of birds....
